The topic turned to Switzerland the other night at the Holiday cookie party at our friends house. Folks were talking about Zurich and all I could do was transport myself back to Lucerne. I was 18 and it was like the prettiest place I had ever seen. It was like the Barbie dream house and gingerbread men and Snow White all rolled up in a place so far away from home I could do anything I wanted and the world spun round with angular momentum like the fancy Swiss watches in the storefront windows.
I bought a ring there from a fancy little shop and it was super expensive to me at that stage in my life. It was large and silver and I wore it everyday until the Spring day I married Joe. It reminded me of how free I felt and following bliss and such other things.
As I cleaned my bedroom yesterday I found the silver Lucerne ring in my jewelry box. I picked it up and fingered it and put it on. It stopped mid knuckle. A wave of annoyance hit me of course because you want to think that some parts of yr body can remain slim and tidy-but no- even my hands have aged and put on weight. Damn.
I sat down on my bed and held that ring. It's no secret that this year has been a year of looking back for me. It think it is a bit of the novel I am writing that has pushed me back to my historical self and caused me some grief. I think I have started to see mortality and it ain't pretty. I sat on that bed and I held that ring and squeezed it and let myself go back to a time I was so free that I cared about no one really. I was like a toddler with my egocentric views then and as much as I think about how great those days were and how skinny my fingers were and how gorgeous my surroundings were- nothing beats the fact that my fat hands get to wrap themselves around three boys named Joe, Finn, and Blaise.
I wanna take them to Lucerne someday.
I want to stand in the old town square and set my watch to the happiest time in my life.