There must be a song that describes the way I feel right now

There are so many ways of looking back on a year. There may perhaps be a day of each year that marks you though. That takes a fat black sharpie pen and scribbles over yr soul. A day- good or bad that just kinda sticks. I thought I had lost the photos from dad's wake until a few weeks ago when I got a new printer. Like magic I was able to find a few of them in a folder from my old printer system and it was bittersweet. Looking back over these photos from a day so long and sad, but yet so lovely.
The wake at Uncle Richard's was so beautiful. It was so strange because that whole day we were all looking around for dad. Like he should have been there with a light for the ladies and a story and smile. I listened for that voice that sounded just like Anthony Hopkins to say the wittiest things possible and lure me to pints.
It was like the day was missing this one thing.
I peeked around corners and looked for that man several times.
I stood on green green grass and watched my Joe.

My look back at 2009 is hard at times.
The hardest part about looking back on the past is knowing that the past repeats itself and we must be able to be stronger than we ever thought possible more times in a life than we want to.
I hope there is a heaven and it is glorious and we all can be able to cherish and relive the parts of the people we love the best. It's like sometimes you don't tell the people you love enough why you love them.
I want to drink a bitter with dad someday in some sparkly place and tell him that he always made me feel beautiful and that he was such a good father to his children and that his grin was just perfectly wicked and I love that it has been passed on.