I don't have it in me to lie and say how glorious motherhood has been these last few days. Motherhood has been far from delightful. It's like they are demons sent to ruin my day, like wicked little buggers. (For shorts bursts only, but the episodes are intense enough to make me insane.)
I love them. You know this- but just for revenge I cooked extra veg- kinda mushy for the boys for dinner, stuffed Blaise into my old childhood dress, and read to them all the Jesus loves you books and paraphernalia my mother buys for them.
You could see Finnian going somewhere else.
His eyes glazed over and dull.
I will put them into their beds at 7pm and lie and tell them it is so very late.
I will open a Stella and pray that when Joe comes home his business partner will have left a renegade cigarette in our truck like I demanded he do.
(Just drop it in the floor board all causal and shit. PLEASE for the love of GOD let me have something naughty once in a blue moon)
I took the kids to an Aquarium store today. The Koi have been swimming in my mind ever since. They can live for 200 hundred years if conditions right. They are beautiful and serene.
They know more than me. I want a Koi pond someday when I am old. I want to whisper my life story to them. I want someone to listen to all the other stuff unfit to print.
title post- Something Wicked This Way Comes 1983