I need a new word for how I feel

I did not like finding a Smirnoff bottle in a plastic bag stuffed in my bathroom vent.
It was dirty and dusty and annoyed me.
It is like she left it there for me.
an archive of a broken relationship
Like she went into the future and knew I would find it
only she thought it would make me miss her
make me sentimental for the good times

she was wrong though
how could she know
that I found it on a day
that was sad and particularly confusing and
and my response would be to take it to the back yard
and throw it against the concrete
and watch the slivers of glass sparkle in the sun
a reminder to stay away
to learn that glass cuts
smooth skin
I need a new word for how I feel
none of the other ones capture it
like watching that glass shine and shine