Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it like my heart's going to cave in

Sometimes I google yr name just hoping
that there will be some sort of obituaries website that might have yr info for me to read.
I get sad thinking that you died before everything was on the Internet.
Before you had a life on the Internet.
You don't exist on the Internet.
I am unable to type to you.
I am unable to see words that might make me cry for a moment.
We all need moments, even years and years later that let us just feel for pretty seconds.
Like how I have to curl my shoulders around my heart about once a year and think of you.
I will always think of you.
I am just certain of this.

title post- American Beauty 1999