preservation of historical information

Amy you need to come and sit down

She said my name again as if trying to anchor herself to me.
there is something I need to tell you
we need to talk
I am still under the impression that people should just announce death flat out- that they should shout it out to you and slice the pain in one single moment. 
I would rather have someone tell me something flat out- I don’t like to be prepared for death.
Her pink capri pants were perfectly pressed to sharp creases down the front of her leg.
It was one of her golden mothering moments as she was thinking only of me. 
I had never experienced death in a hard and fast way before. 
This was my inauguration into adulthood. 
She touched my face with her hands and her hands smelled like flowers from her lotions. 
She touched my face and I did not pull away.

She gestured towards the large cedar deck outside the living room and we opened the sliding glass door all dirty and grubby with hand prints. 
We walked outside and I grabbed the packet of parliament lights off the ledge.
She said nothing and did not even make a sound and for a small window of time 
we could both only hear inhaling and exhaling.  
The tiny sounds of burning tobacco.
And then the whole forest heard me cry.