At this moment you mean everything

jamming to this song yesterday

Green Day - Time Of Your Life

Torn | MySpace Video

It's like when I close my eyes and try to remember when it was in my life that this song blasted from cheap car stereos or from porch parties with boom boxes silver -I always think of her.
We were at a pivotal part of our life-really on the cusp of believing we were grown up.


I think I was hanging out with some bartender who didn't even really like me that flash frozen part of my life in 1997. I was drinking away my tips in an Irish pub best known for brewed beer and 80's dance night -where all the freaks like me could seek shelter from the storm at least two nights a week and fling our arms in the sky.

The bartender was for those fleeting weeks perhaps someone who might save me and turn me into a normal person. He was pleasantly average and attractive. He could make me behave like a girl who made dinner in tiny apartments and didn't go out every single night. A normal girl who loved only one person at a time and had a clear trajectory towards adulthood.

Only he didn't. He just faded away in the outright rude and immature fashion that 23 year old boys do- he just stopped liking me and I faded into the background of a song sung by Dexy's Midnight Runners on a Tuesday night. My shadow flickering across the wood paneled walls never tempted him again and I am sure now that it was because I was intensity wrapped into a parcel that no one could hold for too long.
I was like a firecracker or a hot potato being passed around.
I was dangerous buzzing bee.

Sometimes I wish I could listen to a song from the 90's and just enjoy it.
But I think we are just branded like cattle by the music of our youth.

it's why you see people stare off into space sometimes at cafes
or grannies with wet eyes in the market
or baby boomer's driving convertibles with loud all around

we just can't help it
the music is everywhere
like a tiny melodic line
that leads us straight to the past
to a place we used to know