If you cut me in two you could always have the best part.

I took one of those depression screening tests online and

my monitor flashed like a rock and roll dynamite winner

and I remember the day that I heard the word dichotomy in a classroom

and my head pulsated and I looked out the rural window

and met eyes with a squirrel

all dark and tiny and nervous

and I gasped because I gave that squirrel my thoughts

like a transfer through glass and sunshine and air

There is something wrong with me


There has always been this part of me that is so good

that you want to bottle me up and drink me

but the other part is nothing like that

like holding a penny under the tongue

but it's the place where

the words live


nowadays I go to the lap pool and swim for a long time

to seesaw fix myself

under the water I sometimes cry and make noises that come from bittersweet roots

I scream underwater

you can

do that

and if the old man in the small blue trunks looks sideways at me again

because he hears it

as he side strokes to good health

I will just do what I always do

climb out of the pool

tug my bathing suit bottoms out of my ass

and wink at him

throw all my sunshine around the room and

tell everyone later at the coffeehouse

that the chlorine was strong today

that my eyes are so sensitive

they are Nordic eyes

I am a sad Swede

I am a happy American


And I keep pushing the stroller into the future



photo source